If ever there was a time to send thank you notes, it’s now that the holiday season is over, the new year is off to a good start and 2020 (as difficult as it was) is in the rearview mirror. This is a time for reflection on the past and planning for the year ahead. 2020 was extraordinary in that circumstances, both good and bad, offered moments of gratitude and grace.
Perhaps it was receiving the perfect Christmas gift? An unexpected act of kindness? A home cooked meal that was prepared for you while you were busy caring for others.
Whatever the event that sparked your thankfulness, sending a handwritten thank you note to someone who has gone out of his or her way for you is always the right thing to do because it makes you and the recipient feel good. Let’s face it; we all need a little dose of “feel good energy.”
So, why aren’t thank you cards swamping the United States Postal Service (USPS)?
One reason is time, which is not a good reason considering we all have 24 hours in a day and make time for things that are important to us. Someone thought you were important enough to use his or her time to send a thoughtful gift, shop for and prepare that meal, etc. The least, and I mean the very least, that person deserves is the good energy of a thank you note. If you’re truly pressed for time, carry a few thank you notecards with you. Write one when you have a few minutes while waiting for an appointment or the kids to finish an activity.
The other reason is not a matter of rudeness or being ungrateful. It’s that writing a thank you card is intimidating for many. Writing what you want to say is daunting, even for professional writers, thus the term “writer’s block.”
Rest assured, the best thank you notes are written with words from the heart, not intended to win any literary awards or become best selling novels. No, the perfect thank you note’s only purpose is to express gratitude for a kind gesture, thoughtful gift or a job well done. If you approach writing a thank you card from a place of appreciation, the words will come naturally.
Last, but not least, expressing your gratitude through the ritual of writing a thank you note has a positive effect on your mental health. I could cite studies and therapists, but you already know this.
Let’s get down to the mechanics of writing the perfect thank you note.
The Occasions
Here are examples of occasions that call for sending a thank you note. Note: this list is not exhaustive by any means. Some of the best thank you notes are “just because.”
- Wedding presents
- Gifts from relatives, especially grandparents who love snail mail
- Gifts of money
- Gifts that take time to make like blankets
- Funeral flowers
- Charitable donations made in memory of the deceased
- Those who assisted at or with organizing a funeral
- Being a guest at someone’s home
- Writing a letter of reference on your behalf
- Baby shower gifts
- Birthday gifts given to young children (Older children should write their own notes)
- Notes for outstanding customer service to an employee and the manager
- Valued clients who use your services
- A business referral
- Medical professionals who went above and beyond the call of duty
- An interviewer after a job interview
The Ritual
If you have time, create a moment and space for the ritual of expressing gratitude. Buy and keep a box of beautiful (or quirky if it better fits your personality) of thank you cards. The style of card should match the occasion and the recipient. For example, a thank you for a wedding gift would be more formal than a thank you for a box of cookies. That is not to say you can’t express your personality, though.
Smart expert tip: After the holidays is the perfect time to stock up on boxes of thank you cards because many retailers offer magnificent sales on stationery to clear out old inventory.
If you’re so inclined, open a bottle of wine and listen to some music. If you have several to send, have a list of people you’re thanking. You might find checking off each name is satisfying. Plus, you lessen the chances of forgetting to thank someone.
The Timing
A good practice is to send a thank you note within 24-48 hours of receiving the gift.
Of course, saying thank you for any gifts or kindness extended during the holidays is a great way to jump-start a new habit of writing thank you notes.
The Mechanics
Thank you notes should be handwritten. Keep in mind that someone went out of his or her way for you. An email or text message is not sufficiently proportional to that effort. Additionally, in our digital age, people are bombarded with emails and text messages, so much so that they often go unread.
Finally, after a plethora of junk mail and bills, a beautiful thank you note can serve as a little present that arrives in the mail. Make no mistake. People still and will always enjoy receiving thank you cards in the mail.
Etiquette expert tip: Practice good penmanship. If you have horrible handwriting, dictate the message and have someone else write it for you.
The Format
Follow the format below to help organize the thank you message.
Date
Greeting
Message
Thank you for (Specify the gift or kind gesture.)
Why you found it thoughtful (What qualities of the gift did you appreciate?)
State why you like the item. Include how it will be used or remembered.
A closing sentence. It could reference your years of friendship.
Your Signature
An example looks like this:
Dear Mary,
Thank you so much for the beautiful hand-quilted blanket. The intricate design and use of my favorite colors make it clear that you put a lot of love and thoughtfulness into this gift.
I can’t wait to snuggle underneath it while reading a good book.
Talk to you soon my dear friend.
Love,
Barbara
Etiquette expert tip: Include a picture of you wearing or using the gift that you received. For example, wearing or displaying the gift.
Addressing the Envelope
Though capital letters are considered aggressive or “yelling” used in other communications, the USPS recommends using them when addressing mail to ensure a speedier, accurate delivery.
The key word is “recommend.” I recommend using both upper and lowercase letters, neatly. Center the recipient name in the middle of the envelope and write your return address in the left-hand corner. Finally, postage belongs in the top-right corner.
Etiquette expert tip: Use a pretty stamp or one that matches the occasion. For example, a “Happy Birthday” stamp on a birthday card or one with flowers on a thank you card. I am a firm believer that “Love is in the Details.” It is that extra step that makes the card even more special.
To learn more about how to address envelopes to individuals and couples or families, please refer to my article: How to Address Christmas Card Envelopes that was co-authored with WikiHow.
Have Questions?
When in doubt, it is Always Appropriate to send a handwritten thank you note. Contact us for additional thank you note etiquette advice…Because Image Is Everything!
