If each of us were asked to single out the one individual without whom our lives would be incomplete, almost every one of us would immediately think of our mother. As founder of Always Appropriate: Image & Etiquette Consulting, a firm that helps a wide range of people with the most important events and milestones in their lives, I’ve seen what works and what doesn’t seem to hit the bull’s eye on these special days including, Mothers’ Day. By the way, this career path is one that was inspired by my own extraordinary mother.
Like many others, you may be feeling a bit of pressure to make this Mothers’ Day (Sunday, May 10) a remarkable and unforgettable experience for your mother – and other special ladies in your life. Although this important holiday is now just a few days away, it’s not too late to take a few steps to find (or make) a gift that will long be remembered. For those who find themselves missing their mother on May 10, I also have some suggestions on how to celebrate and honor her legacy, and remember her in spirit.
Many of my busy clients have called upon me over the years to shop for special gifts on their behalf, and I’ve learned a lot along the way that I’d love to share with you. A few of these suggestions may surprise you, but they are all designed to help you express the love and appreciation you feel for your mother. Also, don’t forget that this is a holiday to celebrate not only your mother but also your spouse, siblings and those caring and inspiring ladies in your life who have been “like a mother.”
As we begin our search for an ideal gift, it’s helpful to bear in mind the person we want to please. Your friends may have said, “If it’s something you like, then your mother is sure to like it too.” I respectfully disagree. This is a time to think about the tastes and preferences of the gift recipient, not the gift giver. (If your mother has elegant tastes while you’re more “bohemian,” it’s unlikely that she will appreciate a tie-dyed t-shirt!)
It can be tempting to simply give your mother and other loved ones a “gift card” that can be redeemed for anything they may like. I urge you to avoid giving anyone you really care about a gift card, however. Instead, find something that shows you really thought about their tastes and desires. (There are some exceptions to this “no gift cards” rule. Disabled individuals may have a hard time getting out and into stores to do their shopping, and a gift card can be a good choice when faced with that challenge.)
For the same reason, I urge you to avoid “gift bags.” As I will discuss shortly, much of the joy of the gift-giving process comes with the excitement and anticipation of what is hidden beneath the beautiful wrapping paper. When you give someone you love a gift card or gift bag, you’re missing out on that thrilling sense of anticipation as your loved one begins to open that mysterious, beautifully wrapped package. Also, mothers (and others) are often tempted to exchange these gift cards for something they “need,” rather than something they “want,” and there is a huge difference between the two. In addition, an ideal gift is one that reminds the recipient of special memories every time she uses it or sees it.
Here are a few more suggestions that will help make Mothers’ Day special. Like every important decision in life, if you’re hoping for a great result, it’s essential to do some research and planning before you head off to the store – or before you roll up your sleeves and create a homemade gift.
This is the time to think about what your mother enjoys and what makes her happy, as well as the favorite things of the other ladies you will be honoring on this holiday. Is your mother conservative or a free spirit? Are there any hobbies that she dreams of pursuing, such as learning about photography? What are her favorite activities? If she loves to read, a new book by her favorite author can make a great gift. Be sure to write a personal message inside the book cover, expressing how much you love and appreciate her. Would your mother enjoy dinner at a new trendy restaurant in town, or would she prefer to be pampered by having a meal prepared for her at home while she enjoys a rare evening of relaxation? (If your mother loves lasagna, but you’re a terrible cook, I encourage you to put that worry aside and simply do your best in the kitchen. Other “homemade” gifts are also greatly treasured – much as many mothers once posted their child’s artwork on the refrigerator as if it were a masterpiece by Picasso.) Gifts that bring back memories from earlier years – perhaps tickets to a dance performance or sporting event – also show that you’ve given this decision a great deal of thought.
My advice for any husband seeking to show his wife real appreciation is to find a way to make her feel pretty and sexy, the way she felt when you two first fell in love. Don’t be afraid to splurge a bit, especially for things your spouse is reluctant to buy for herself — such as a wine-tasting course or a dinner cruise.
For siblings, this can be a great opportunity to revisit special memories. If you and your sister once enjoyed watching movies together when you were kids, arranging a movie date – even one at home, complete with a big container of popcorn – is a great way to bring back those special memories. If you teased one another with jokes and gags many years ago, you may want to give a gift that expresses that same playful spirit – followed up by a gift that will truly be appreciated.
There’s no need to feel guilty about looking for a bargain on Mothers’ Day. Discount websites like Groupon.com and Yipit.com offer numerous high-end items and events including dinner cruises, spa packages, wine tasting classes, Broadway shows, photo sessions, and more – all at very reasonable prices.
By the way, the wrapping for a gift and the card you attach are not meaningless afterthoughts. Think back to birthday parties when you were a child or the anticipation you felt on other occasions, when you simply couldn’t wait to “tear into that package” and discover what treasure lay inside. Generating this kind of feeling is an important part of what makes the gift-giving experience magical. I have even encouraged some clients and friends to cut back slightly on what they spend on a gift, so that money can be spent on beautiful wrapping paper and a carefully selected card with a special, personalized message. That card often becomes a cherished memento that extends the special feeling of this holiday for weeks, months or even longer. Remember, love is in the details!
Also, don’t underestimate the value of simply spending time with your mother. For many of us, once we’ve become adults, it becomes harder to take time away from the demands of work and parenthood. With this hectic lifestyle, spending leisurely time together is indeed something to be treasured.
One last suggestion I have for you may sound a bit odd, but I can promise you that it’s one that your mother or another special lady in your life will appreciate. I encourage you to think about making Mothers’ Day not just a one-day event, but instead a special two-day holiday. Many of us can recall a less than pleasurable experience in a restaurant on Mothers’ Day, as the staff rushes diners in and out as they seek to serve as many people as possible. Instead of suffering through that kind of experience, I encourage you to take your mother out for a special meal on the day before – or the day after – Mothers’ Day, so that you can linger at the table and savor the meal and the conversation. If your wife is due back at work on Monday morning, you may even be able to contact her boss and arrange for her to enjoy a totally unexpected day off, when she can perhaps spend the day being pampered at a local spa instead of stuck in rush-hour traffic.
We can still remember and honor our mother even if she is no longer here with us. We can remember her in spirit. Surely for all of us, our mother wanted us to be happy. If she is no longer here with you, I encourage you to spend part of this holiday doing something that makes you happy – as your mother would have wanted. You may want to visit a favorite place that the two of you once enjoyed together, or perhaps spend time with family members sharing stories and fond memories of your mother. You might also want to volunteer with a charity that was important to her. Scientists have actually documented the fact that giving in this way releases endorphins in your body that make you feel good – exactly as your mother would have wanted.
Now that I have shared what I’ve learned over the years when it comes to shopping for special and memorable gifts, I would like to ask one favor of you. Send me a note, and let me know how you have chosen to honor your mother on this special holiday. (By the way, one of the professional services I offer my clients is that of gift shopping on their behalf – which can be a great way to reduce the stress so many people feel on Mothers’ Day and other important holidays.) If you keep this advice in mind, I have no doubt that this Mothers’ Day will be an occasion that is long remembered.
